halfway

i am halfway through the first week of the rest of my life.

things are going well, apparently [seemingly?] so.
my apartment is still a mess.
i still feel fat.
pollock is still all pissed off and pouty for the lack of attention he received all semester.
and im still fearful about change, never mind my future.
but, im willing to admit, that i have threeish 'special' friends... and that dating is fun, sort of.
im not like, you know, kissing all of them.

i am kissing one.
its nice but...
this is where i get stuck.
this is where dating is hard.
how do you keep someone interested while holding affection back?
how long is too long? how long will they wait around while you hold out for some major break though or for the sign that this person wont loose interest once they've wrangled you in? 

its a game of coyboys and indians...

forgive me if i am making a general assumption here by assuming its a game but good lord, even when i didnt want to play, i found myself the victim... maybe the last time i was wrangled and subsequently scalped, they scooped out half my brain too? 

we all want to find our cowboy, i just dont want to play games to find him.