laughter

you may ask "what am i watching?"....here is the video spoiler:

'bama got up from the table @ la pause to grab his journal. i took the opportunity to film my friend, the bug, walking, because i thought it was a riot how awkward they walked. while i was enthralled by the bug, a peacock decided 'bama's croissant looked delicious. unbeknownst to be, he jumped up on the table...and as you can see, the video captures the chaos of the moment of realization! 

if something is 'right'...

...how do you 'know'...?
thoughts?

shades of grey.

i am tired. very very tired. 

the past few weeks have left my brain tired and my body, sometimes so.

when i get distracted, most often im dreaming of being back here:

or here:

and when i come back to reality, everything around me seems...dull. to deal with this monotony, i am setting little goals...and giving myself rewards. for example, once i make it through the next three weeks, i will have a new phone. and i will be in kansas city, watching my dear friend JT compete in the tour of kansas city. while there we are going to fix my moms vintage schwinn beach cruiser. but it is not just any beach cruiser. it is a TRICYCLE. and it is YELLOW. and it has a BASKET. on the BACK. then we are going to figure out how to get it from KC to ATX because its going to be great for trips to the foodwhole. marsha and i are going to gallivant around town on our cute commute bikes. and this, this cute commute co-op will lead to world domination. and that, that is a smile inducing thought....onward ho!

sunflowers and sorbetto, oh my!

a friend cooked dinner for little miss me last night...gazpacho was on the menu, as they knew how much we both enjoy it...it didnt quite look like this one, but after my melt down friday and saturday, it was exactly what i needed...that and a yummy cup of apple peach sorbetto from the foodwhole. in hopes of helping me maintain a smile for the next few days, a bouquet of sunflowers was also given AND i am now in possession of an entire tupperware container of last nights gazpacho: how happy am i about that!?! it makes dinner tomorrow an easy choice. hooray! 

heres to hoping this week is better than the last! 

my dad is coming into town thursday for a dinner date: well, he has to give a lecture in houston on friday and thought he would come to town the night before to see me. sweet. i havent seen my dad since the beginning of april...and im really looking forward to spending some time with him without my brothers around...i didnt get hardly a minute of his time last time i saw him! 

Ive always liked the letter D...

...and the number 4... but not so much that i want my test grades based on them. 

if one were to take the two numbers making up my chemistry test grade i received today and subtract the second from the first...one would have 4.

thank god there are less than 4 weeks left of this....sucky situation.

pray for me, please. 

i said i'd never...

....and i did.

today.

SO NEVER SAY "NEVER"

because you just don't know how YOU CHANGE if you just jump in and blindly GO FORWARD.

summer school

....is like social suicide.

how could i have forgotten this very critical affect it has on my quality of life?

Seriously, I think once summer school is over, things [ie. school work] will settle down because it will no longer be 5 days a week. I have 9 tests in 2 classes in the next 4 weeks...not to mention a term paper, 11 labs + prelab and postlab reports, 26 35 minute videos to watch on my own time, and countless homework assignments ALL TO TURN IN FOR GRADES.... I used to rip on community college, but folks, this ain't no joke. 

please don't just tell me, show me

[the whole thing will make you want to smile...but at least make it to at the 2:06 point in the video]

The Dance
I have sent you my invitation,
the note inscribed on the palm of my hand by the fire of living.
Don’t jump up and shout, “Yes, this is what I want! Let’s do it!”
Just stand up quietly and dance with me.

Show me how you follow your deepest desires,
spiraling down into the ache within the ache,
and I will show you how I reach inward and open outward
to feel the kiss of the Mystery, sweet lips on my own, every day.

Don’t tell me you want to hold the whole world in your heart.
Show me how you turn away from making another wrong without abandoning yourself when you are hurt and afraid of being unloved.

Tell me a story of who you are,
and see who I am in the stories I live.
And together we will remember that each of us always has a choice.

Don’t tell me how wonderful things will be . . . some day.
Show me you can risk being completely at peace,
truly okay with the way things are right now in this moment,
and again in the next and the next and the next. . .

I have heard enough warrior stories of heroic daring.
Tell me how you crumble when you hit the wall,
the place you cannot go beyond by the strength of your own will.
What carries you to the other side of that wall, to the fragile beauty of your own humanness?

And after we have shown each other how we have set and kept the clear, healthy boundaries that help us live side by side with each other, let us risk remembering that we never stop silently loving
those we once loved out loud.

Take me to the places on the earth that teach you how to dance,
the places where you can risk letting the world break your heart.
And I will take you to the places where the earth beneath my feet and the stars overhead make my heart whole again and again.

Show me how you take care of business
without letting business determine who you are.
When the children are fed but still the voices within and around us shout that soul’s desires have too high a price,
let us remind each other that it is never about the money.

Show me how you offer to your people and the world
the stories and the songs
you want our children’s children to remember.
And I will show you how I struggle not to change the world,
but to love it.

Sit beside me in long moments of shared solitude,
knowing both our absolute aloneness and our undeniable belonging.
Dance with me in the silence and in the sound of small daily words,
holding neither against me at the end of the day.

And when the sound of all the declarations of our sincerest
intentions has died away on the wind,
dance with me in the infinite pause before the next great inhale
of the breath that is breathing us all into being,
not filling the emptiness from the outside or from within.

Don’t say, “Yes!”
Just take my hand and dance with me.

© Oriah Mountain Dreamer, from the book The Dance, HarperSanFrancisco, 2001

4 today

indigo and lavender//morocco

olives and preserved lemons//morocco

the most magical place on earth//la pause, morocco

the most magical place on earth//la pause, morocco