i just have

little motivation to do this, this blogging thing, right now...

maybe later tonight?

yes, perhaps... and with lots of pictures too.

i just have

little motivation to do this, this blogging thing, right now...

maybe later tonight?

yes, perhaps... and with lots of pictures too.

update

coming this evening....and brace yourself folks, it's gonna be a novella.

by the way, no I am not pregnant. it would be impossible. however, this is a picture of me holding maple, andrew's sweet baby girl....just wanted to share it, because she's beautiful....and it proves that despite the fact babies make me somewhat uncomfortable, i still like to hold them....sometimes. 

hot damn

I've been cookin' a little bit...

 at TC's: on the menu, yellow squash, zuchinni, fireroasted tomatoes and mushrooms [all organic, of course] with swordfishsteaks.

at 'B's: salad [with redpeppers, carrots, mushrooms], roasted potatoes and brussel sprouts, and cod with tapenade of eggplant, peppers, and mushrooms for me and pesto for B.

“Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in that grey twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat.” - Theodore Roosevelt

13.1

This saturday, it's on.

I've been feeling like ICK for the past week and I am praying, like really truly SPECIFICALLY praying, that I wake up tomorrow and friday and saturday and feel AWESOME....It's totally headtrippy, this feeling like ick business. I feel fat and heavy and SO SLOW: not ideal three days before an 'event', nope. My head is working its way INTO THE GAME. Now I gotta get my body in there too. 

ok ok ok

...here is the much needed update:

SCHOOL: Things at school are great. I am doing super in anatomy and physiology. I am

 enjoying ochem...Standing in lab, for three hours, however, is another matter all together. Icannot complain: I love being a student. While I was walking out of class today, I heard someone say to someone on the other end of a phone line "I wish I was at work right now instead of school" and I thought to myself how sad that was. I can think of a handful of people who are at work right now who would love to be back in school. People think the grass is always greener on the other side... but it's just as muddy over there.   When I was in grad school [the first time], I used to say, ALL THE TIME, that "a day in archi-torture hell was better than a day at Dell": Like EVERYTHING ELSE, it's a matter of perspective...

So, no matter what the grass looks like, I've found that it's a whole lot easier to keep putting my face in the sun.

POLLOCK: His hair is growing back SO FAST. It's incredible. I am going to have to take him back soon, very soon, because he has started shedding again.

FRIENDS, FAMILY, ETC: KH and DW got married almost a month ago; I can't believe it was that long ago [not that a month is a long time, but wow, time is flying these days: 

more on that later]. 

It was an awesome wedding-one of the best I've been too, as it was so laid back and family and friend-centric. You know those weddings that are more about the formality than the feelings? this wedding was SO NOT like that. It was beautiful-KHW looked stunning and she and DW just seemed so happy.

TC got her photo with the longhorn after the 70.3 two weeks ago: I've found myself going to her page just to see her photo: The excitement on her face does not fail to bring a smile to my face. Last week we went to cafe monet and painted things for Z and 'B. We get to pick them up today, and I cant wait! TC's is so cool and I know Z will LOVE IT. I'm really proud of what I did for 'B [oh its super clever!] and I hope he likes it... 3M is doing AWESOME work. I am so proud of what she has accomplished with CUTE COMMUTE and BIKE.AUSTIN. The calendar is at the printers right now and I know people are anxious for it to hit the stands.  I was shot at barton springs by Andrew Yates, an INCREDIBLY talented photographer based here in Austin. Beto Boggiano, owner of Pure Austin and GianoBikes loaned me his hot goldfinger trackbike for the shoot. Check out my FB page to see one of the shots from the shoot. To advance order,  a calendar please email bikeaustin@gmail.com. She is now working on a fashion show to coordinate with the launch of the calendar and the beef and pie coffee shop opening at Pure Austin Gym.  If you have anything to donate, services or otherwise, contact her at the same email addy. My mom shared with me that she bought a kitty stroller. No joke. About a month ago I found myself emailing LC [as he and I share the same townlake trail workout scheduling "sentiments"] because that morning I had passed a woman dressed in pink from head to toe pushing what appeared to be a stroller. Ordinarily, I wouldnt have looked twice [unless it was a double wide and there were two other ladies along each pushing their own doublewide while both trying to simultaneously juggle a venti, 2 pump sugarfree vanilla, skinny, extra foam, WITH WHIP latte and their dog leash. Then the entire group most likely gets a "geezus... " followed by a dirty look and sometimes an inadvertent cringe]. Anyhow, back to the stroller: So I wouldn't have looked twice, BUT she was pushing a DOG in it. No joke; her little long haired white furry dog was strapped into this stroller like a child and it looked hideous. I'm sure I flared my nostrils and furrowed my brow in confusion as it was such a strange sight...I mean, why not WALK the dog on a leash? I guess, god forbid, the grooming would be ruined?! Ok, fast forward a week and I'm on the phone talking to my mom. I ask how Sammy, her 'loves to be outdoors chasing birds and squirrels and using other family's pet doors' cat, was doing now that they have moved into an apartment.  She tells me that she found this stroller for him and how she is so excited to try it out. Seriously, she BOUGHT A PET STROLLER. I could not stop laughing. She didnt understand why I thought it was so funny...It wasnt the stroller purchase that made me laugh so hard that I thought I would cry but rather the mental picture of my mother pushing a stroller through the park with her crazy tabby cat strapped into it. She's been out with him four times and apparently he cries the entire time, just like a child...As if this wasn't amusing enough, the best part of this story is that one of my friends from high school saw her and wrote a message on my facebook wall last week:
"I thought I saw your mother last week but then I saw that the woman was pushing a baby carriage. So I thought, no, that can't be her. But then as I went past I looked in my rearview mirror and it was your mom. Turns out the baby carriage was actually transporting what seemed to be a large cat!" Folks, I don't make this stuff up.... 

...to be continued [I'm currently at LIFT and having technological issues which is making it impossible for me to upload pictures]...

i am not currently planning on voting...

but i thought this was super cool.

as for the reasons why i am not planning to vote: basically it boils down to this: in my opinion, there is no lesser of two "evils"... its not that i dont care; because i care is precisely the reason why i am NOT voting. on november 4th, i will be doing something to give back directly to my community. i havent figured out just what yet, but I WILL BE MAKING A DIFFERENCE; nope, not in washington, but in my own city: why? BECAUSE CHANGE BEGINS AT HOME. i dont think anyone can argue with that. 

update

i will soon. 

this week, soon. 

cross my fingers.

promise.

12th

...in the nike race in austin. 

Still no results on their website but I heard back from them today. 

Apparently they are overwhelmed with result issues or something [Duhhhhhh, they manually entered bib numbers AND chip numbers AT PACKET PICKUP [clusterf***, anyone??!?!!]] and are NOT making any changes or uploading any  more result info to their website...

Regardless of the missing the top ten, the heat, and the icky course, I'm glad I ran it and I'm glad to put an end to the uncertainty! 

70

that is the temperature I saw ON MY WAY HOME from my ride this morning. 

It also must be noted that I did indeed wear ARMWARMERS.  Awesome, awesome, awesome.

second

is better than third... especially when you arent expecting anything at all.

hot dawg

its, like, so frustrating...

...to run a race and then look up your results afterwards only to find that your bib number had been entered into the computer system incorrectly and thus your result is "n/a"... It's especially frustrating when you receive emails from people asking if you got top ten because it 'looked like you were one of the first women to cross the line'...UGH. My Garmin crapped out half way through so I really dont know how I did: I was so out of it at the finish line looking at the clock was the LAST thing I was concerned about. I was more concerned with passing out and afraid of Matthew McConaughey catching me [he didnt and finished about a minute [or two?] behind me].

Needless to say, I've emailed John Conley at Conley Sports, David Grice at RaceWorks, and Raul at run-far trying to track down my time. I heard back from Susan Conley pretty speedily and she said to give them a few days to sort it out. i still havent heard back. I can imagine that I am not the only one that had result issues: I mean, seriously, they had to MANUALLY enter every ones bib numbers and chip numbers into the computer between friday and sunday... HUMAN ERROR IS UNAVOIDABLE: especially when you're entering 13,800! I did call nike today and they were super helpful: He said to give them a day or two or three to sort it out but 'yes, according to our system, your bib number was in fact entered incorrectly'...I hope they find my time...

Sure, maybe it seems silly that I'm so persistent about these results [especially considering it wasnt a pr by a long shot]. I really wouldn't mind the lack of results under normal circumstances but 1] that run was WICKED hard: it was hot and hilly and jam packed full of people and2] even if I didnt hit my paces by a long shot, I apparently still did well and frankly, I want to see my name on the nike plus website! I know, I know...so vain...but... considering I had a broken pelvis [can you tell, that was a turning point for me?!] 7 months ago, I'm pretty proud of how far I've come.

red licorice

sweet and twisted...

the dark side...

...has been illuminated...or rather, i have been enlightened...

so much has happened

so i am back from kc and minnesota.

kc was great. 

minnesota was good too: no news is good news on that front but i return in 3 months of another checkup and further tests.

since ive returned its been nothing but chemistry chemistry chemistry...and alot of eating. i just cant stop stuffing my face. its quite ridiculous really. i feel all swollen and just disgusting. its got to stop. as for chemistry, its finally over, done, complete. i am THRILLED to report i received a B, yes, thats right, a B, its seriously unbelievable. i thought i was barely getting a C....regardless, true to my word, i waited until AFTER successfully completing chemII to purchase a new cell phone. i purchased the 3G iphone. i know i know, you're probably thinking "what a trendwhore"...and sure i can be 'tendy', yes, but this phone is so good looking i could not help myself. i got the 16 gig version because a] i could get it in white [the 8 gig only comes in black] and b] they had the 16 gig in stock... i got a neat-o pink rubber sleeve for it and i feel so cool. its silly how getting something new totally changes how one feels...sick, but true....also, sick is how cute my cat, pollock, looks now that he's been shaved. he's a long haired maine coon [ie. he is a big very furry cat] and he was just shedding all over the place. i finally reached a point where i was sick and tired of picking cat hair off of everything and collecting dust bunnies from corners...so i took him to the plush pad off of anderson lane for his FIRST EVER bath and shave.

now, i am getting ready to go for a mid afternoon ride!! what a great day...tomorrow, i have a recovery run in the am followed by a soak in barton springs. then im going to go shopping for a dress for kh+dw's wedding [!], followed by a swim at barton springs with my friend ar. then its coffee with dear tc before dinner with 'bama!! another awesome day on tap for tomorrow: i am so blessed.

in kc

no...summer school is not 'officially' over yet...but i'm taking a bit of a break.

i am currently in my 'home town', kansas city. jt, cv and sr are in town for the tour of kansas city: three days of bike races in three different parts of the city. what im finding so cool about this is that two of the three races are in parts of kansas city that ive never been! its crazy: growing up here i thought it was the middle of nowhere, i craved a 'big' city...little did i know that i lived in a big city already. the longer ive been away [its been almost a decade], the more ive grown to appreciate it. sharing my hometown with folks from austin who have never been up here is SO MUCH FUN, especially when they keep professing their love for it. this morning jt said "seriously mel, if you ever decide to move back here, let me know." yesterday he was talking about moving. i told him i would be too sad if he left austin, but on the other hand, selfishly, i think it would be great if he moved here, because it would give me someone to hang out with when i come home: some people remain closely tied to their high school pals, i am not one of those people. there are a select few that i still talk to on occasion, but i dont have a circle of friends in this town anymore...which might be hard for some, like jt, to believe after walking into birdies [to say hi to peregrine and buy some new undies] and peggy noland [to say hi to peggy and see what crazy stuff shes sewn up recently] yesterday. i was greeted with a hug and a 'whats up girl? how the heck are you!?!' from both. people ask if i could ever move back, as if moving back is a bad thing or something... i have no doubt that if i were to move back, i would settle in pretty quickly..why? because i adapt to my surroundings by finding a new routine where ever i go: yesterday i ventured south to the foodwhole and stocked up on my essentials: carrots, fuji apples, popcorn, raw almonds, rice milk, fizzy water and kombucha. that said, at this point in my life, its really safe to say that i know i am supposed to be living in austin. i mean, afterall, it IS where the foodwhole's corporate headquarters are located....

so its official

i was accepted into grad school.
AGAIN.

watch out world, im all chemistry.

laughter

you may ask "what am i watching?"....here is the video spoiler:

'bama got up from the table @ la pause to grab his journal. i took the opportunity to film my friend, the bug, walking, because i thought it was a riot how awkward they walked. while i was enthralled by the bug, a peacock decided 'bama's croissant looked delicious. unbeknownst to be, he jumped up on the table...and as you can see, the video captures the chaos of the moment of realization! 

if something is 'right'...

...how do you 'know'...?
thoughts?

shades of grey.

i am tired. very very tired. 

the past few weeks have left my brain tired and my body, sometimes so.

when i get distracted, most often im dreaming of being back here:

or here:

and when i come back to reality, everything around me seems...dull. to deal with this monotony, i am setting little goals...and giving myself rewards. for example, once i make it through the next three weeks, i will have a new phone. and i will be in kansas city, watching my dear friend JT compete in the tour of kansas city. while there we are going to fix my moms vintage schwinn beach cruiser. but it is not just any beach cruiser. it is a TRICYCLE. and it is YELLOW. and it has a BASKET. on the BACK. then we are going to figure out how to get it from KC to ATX because its going to be great for trips to the foodwhole. marsha and i are going to gallivant around town on our cute commute bikes. and this, this cute commute co-op will lead to world domination. and that, that is a smile inducing thought....onward ho!

sunflowers and sorbetto, oh my!

a friend cooked dinner for little miss me last night...gazpacho was on the menu, as they knew how much we both enjoy it...it didnt quite look like this one, but after my melt down friday and saturday, it was exactly what i needed...that and a yummy cup of apple peach sorbetto from the foodwhole. in hopes of helping me maintain a smile for the next few days, a bouquet of sunflowers was also given AND i am now in possession of an entire tupperware container of last nights gazpacho: how happy am i about that!?! it makes dinner tomorrow an easy choice. hooray! 

heres to hoping this week is better than the last! 

my dad is coming into town thursday for a dinner date: well, he has to give a lecture in houston on friday and thought he would come to town the night before to see me. sweet. i havent seen my dad since the beginning of april...and im really looking forward to spending some time with him without my brothers around...i didnt get hardly a minute of his time last time i saw him! 

Ive always liked the letter D...

...and the number 4... but not so much that i want my test grades based on them. 

if one were to take the two numbers making up my chemistry test grade i received today and subtract the second from the first...one would have 4.

thank god there are less than 4 weeks left of this....sucky situation.

pray for me, please. 

i said i'd never...

....and i did.

today.

SO NEVER SAY "NEVER"

because you just don't know how YOU CHANGE if you just jump in and blindly GO FORWARD.

summer school

....is like social suicide.

how could i have forgotten this very critical affect it has on my quality of life?

Seriously, I think once summer school is over, things [ie. school work] will settle down because it will no longer be 5 days a week. I have 9 tests in 2 classes in the next 4 weeks...not to mention a term paper, 11 labs + prelab and postlab reports, 26 35 minute videos to watch on my own time, and countless homework assignments ALL TO TURN IN FOR GRADES.... I used to rip on community college, but folks, this ain't no joke. 

please don't just tell me, show me

[the whole thing will make you want to smile...but at least make it to at the 2:06 point in the video]

The Dance
I have sent you my invitation,
the note inscribed on the palm of my hand by the fire of living.
Don’t jump up and shout, “Yes, this is what I want! Let’s do it!”
Just stand up quietly and dance with me.

Show me how you follow your deepest desires,
spiraling down into the ache within the ache,
and I will show you how I reach inward and open outward
to feel the kiss of the Mystery, sweet lips on my own, every day.

Don’t tell me you want to hold the whole world in your heart.
Show me how you turn away from making another wrong without abandoning yourself when you are hurt and afraid of being unloved.

Tell me a story of who you are,
and see who I am in the stories I live.
And together we will remember that each of us always has a choice.

Don’t tell me how wonderful things will be . . . some day.
Show me you can risk being completely at peace,
truly okay with the way things are right now in this moment,
and again in the next and the next and the next. . .

I have heard enough warrior stories of heroic daring.
Tell me how you crumble when you hit the wall,
the place you cannot go beyond by the strength of your own will.
What carries you to the other side of that wall, to the fragile beauty of your own humanness?

And after we have shown each other how we have set and kept the clear, healthy boundaries that help us live side by side with each other, let us risk remembering that we never stop silently loving
those we once loved out loud.

Take me to the places on the earth that teach you how to dance,
the places where you can risk letting the world break your heart.
And I will take you to the places where the earth beneath my feet and the stars overhead make my heart whole again and again.

Show me how you take care of business
without letting business determine who you are.
When the children are fed but still the voices within and around us shout that soul’s desires have too high a price,
let us remind each other that it is never about the money.

Show me how you offer to your people and the world
the stories and the songs
you want our children’s children to remember.
And I will show you how I struggle not to change the world,
but to love it.

Sit beside me in long moments of shared solitude,
knowing both our absolute aloneness and our undeniable belonging.
Dance with me in the silence and in the sound of small daily words,
holding neither against me at the end of the day.

And when the sound of all the declarations of our sincerest
intentions has died away on the wind,
dance with me in the infinite pause before the next great inhale
of the breath that is breathing us all into being,
not filling the emptiness from the outside or from within.

Don’t say, “Yes!”
Just take my hand and dance with me.

© Oriah Mountain Dreamer, from the book The Dance, HarperSanFrancisco, 2001

4 today

indigo and lavender//morocco

olives and preserved lemons//morocco

the most magical place on earth//la pause, morocco

the most magical place on earth//la pause, morocco

just two for today

mallorca [above] and spain [below]

return

im back...and have been overtaken by a calm and peaceful perspective.

a few select pictures to follow asap..well, once i can figure out how to download photos from my new [but not so much anymore] camera!

short short update

im currently in girona spain. this place is really cool: i can see why so many cyclists love it. we are staying in a building built in the 16th century in an apartment in that lance armstrongs pt lived in whenever lance was in town. we are heading to the mountains tomorrow to do some hiking, then heading to the coast for some sea kayaking before heading to barcelona thursday, where we depart for the us on saturday. so far this trip has been full, in every sense of the word: full body(i ate my way through morocco) and full spirit (la pause was a special place where i felt myself shedding some old skin). not to mention, the wealth of new experiences ive accumulated....camel ride, anyone!? i cant wait to upload photos when i get back on the 28th...onward ho!

whoa

I can't believe its been this long since I last posted.

I was in a car accident on sunday: it was not my fault and the other driver's insurance GEICO [lets hope the gecko is as good insurance as they claim to be..yeah?] is paying for the damages. My relatively new car is now not drivable for the unforeseen future...which, fortunately, is not as big of an annoyance as it could have been as I am leaving town tomorrow...for 18 days. I cant remember the last time I was gone for that long; I think it was India for 6 weeks during the summer of 2005. 

TC left church to come stand with me on the side of the road: I am SO THANKFUL to have such a beautiful spirit-filled friend.  She wisely suggested a glass of wine at Galaxy while we waited for the boys to get out of the sermon that we were pretty certain that we, now more than ever, needed to hear [and that we did, both of us have since listened to the podcast]. B2 was sweet enough to bring me home after we all, including my still distressed stomach, enjoyed a great dinner. It's a new routine for me, the sunday church crew, but I am really going to miss it and my friday am breakfast with TC.  I have lots to look forward to when I return home! 

But for now, I am putzing around my house making sure I've dotted all of my i's and crossed all of my t's; making sure I have everything I need, printing out all pertinent documents, checking and copying my workout schedule, eating the last of my fresh produce, master cleaning the litter box so kitty sitter #2 doesnt have too nasty of a job, portioning out snacks for the flights, acquiring reading materials, catching up on emails, notifying folks of my extended departure , calling my bank so they aren't alarmed when they see someone in MOROCCO trying to use my card, you know, just trip stuff.  

ITS AMAZING HOW QUICKLY ALL OF THE LITTLE THINGS ADD UP.

It sounds sick and I can't believe I am publicly posting this, but...

I haven't left yet and I'm sorta already looking forward to coming home.

Now, dont get me wrong. I am VERY EXCITED, VERY. But I also have a little bit of a heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach. I emailed DW today and mentioned that I think its due to a [my] fear of loosing momentum..but then again, why should I be worried about momentum? My main goal is to be growing [physically stronger, mentally tougher and calmer, socially consistent] at a sustainable rate!! NOTHING POSITIVE, at least in my most recent recollection, has come from quick growth. Quick growth leads to acute disasters...but I guess, and I digress, through the my 'disasters' [breakups, injuries, decisions made due to ego] there have been positive lessons learned, new perspectives given, and new friendships formed. 

So I keep telling myself that this trip is WHAT I NEED RIGHT NOW: It will be good for me to get out of this city and out of this comfortable little life I have here. 

Everything I hold near and dear will still be here when I return :)

and so I go...onward ho!

rain rain made my day

I woke up at 550 this morning...Well, thats the time I got out of bed; I had been tossing and turning since about 4, which is a COMPLETE reversal from my 'normal' [but OH SO NOT normal] sleeping pattern [sleep from 1030-midnight. get up for a little bit... restless until about 3 then out cold til 7]...UGH. NO BUENO. I needed the rest after yesterday. 

Still,  I got up, totally stoked for my ride [wait, did i just use the word 'stoked'? I did... I seem to be regressing back to undergrad language: Maybe I'm subconsciously preparing for my chemistry class at ACC starting next month?] and then realized that I didn't really want to deal with traffic first thing today, especially since I had such a short ride to do. There is something about a friday morning that makes me NOT want to dive into it head first, battling traffic and waiting at stop lights. A 1.5 hr ride can easily turn into 2 with lights. So I made a pot of coffee and set up my trusty trainer. I switched rear wheels, put on my shorts and shoes, and hopped on. Within FOUR minutes, I kid you not, I received a text from 'bama: "Where are we meeting at 7?" he asked. 

I picked up the phone immediately, told him that I'd change wheels, fill up a water bottle and meet him at his corner in 15 minutes. He mentioned something about rain. A slight slight chance. I told him it looked pretty clear out west from my place [since I live 7 stories up, I can see pretty far]. I rolled out my front door and felt the spit of it on my skin immediately... by the time we hit Lake Austin, the rain was falling steadily...It continued on and off, but mostly ON, for the duration of our easy 1.5 hr townie spin. 

The fun thing about this ride was not just the rain factor, which felt so so nice, and the trip talk [because we still have some loose ends to tie up]...but the fact that we BOTH were wearing our NEW WHITE SIDI SHOES!! It was a riot: I had no idea he got new kicks too! It was his first ride wearing his and he was very self conscious how white they were and was thus quite excited when the rain started to fall and his white shoes took on more of a greyish hue....Now, I must say, I am self conscious about the 'flash factor' of my shoes too but not so much that I was happy to be caught in the rain wearing them! I mean really, they are BRAND NEW!! I'd like them to stay pretty for as long as possible! I, slightly obsessively, took a towel to them when I got home...and yep, they still look brand new...

Now its time to go meet TC for breaky at the foodwhole: I still am having some stomach issues and frankly the thought of food right now is SO NOT appealing. Crap. 

Then I've got some errands to run, one of which involves the purchase of a camera for my trip [cross my fingers I can make a decision], the other involves the purchase of a new pair of running shoes. I've decided to take my current ones with me on the trip so it will be really nice to return to have a brand new [but worn in, sort of, because ive got 3 runs to do still before I go] pair of ds trainers! I am taking my friend 'whatcha talkin' 'bout willis' to Rogue to get him a new pair too... maybe I'll get a Maple sighting in too [Maple is his ADORABLE 2 week old daughter]. 

Oh, what a fun day!! rides and breaky and babies, oh my!

now I get it

I am TIRED.

Who would have thought that 'overload' workouts take a few days to really sink in...? It makes complete sense, really, but I haven't been thinking about it. It's been one day at a time. But after today, now I realize that although I need to take training one day at a time, I NEED TO KEEP THE BIG PICTURE in mind AT ALL TIMES.  I mean, really, I just kept going, adding little townie spins, a yoga class, NIA!, and other seemingly 'unloaded' movement because I felt so darn good during my workouts and I was recovering really quickly. Then, then, today I woke up and it, my body, especially my butt[?!], was like "BAM. You are not invincible"

[and again I find myself breaking my own rule: no blogging about specifics of training, but I promise, this post has a point beyond me ranting about my body]

My run this morning was HARD. I looked at the schedule last night and thought 'No problem. I've got this one in the bag... " but a HALF MILE into my WARM UP [which is downhill from my apartment to the lake, btw] I was already counting down how much further I had to go, never mind how much more I had to pick up the pace. 

S***.  

By mile 2 I wanted to slow down.

By mile 3 I wanted to quit.

By mile 3.5 I really wanted to quit...

But by the time I hit mile 4, I thought "I can do this, I'm on the backside of this workout now. DIG"

Of course it certainly did NOT help that the backside of my run was DIRECTLY INTO THE GUSTING 30-40 mile an hour winds [according to www.weather.com, anyhow]. And of course the second half of the run had to be faster than the first...yeah, I so did not plan that loop right, AT ALL. 

I finished. Barely. I shuffled home as my cooldown [now UPHILL] at a pace I am too embarrassed to post. 

I learned today that overload workouts take a few days to sink in. I learned today that although I seem to be recovering well and quickly, things can change, literally over night...and because of these things, I learned today that despite the fact that each workout is a discrete challenge and task, I need to keep the big picture in mind.

On a completely unrelated note:I am finding myself excited about things...and in no particular order, they are:

1. my solo sunrise ride tomorrow am wearing my NEW SHOES!! Yes they, in all of their ruby red iridescent glory, greatly increase my 'flash factor' but I think I'm ok with that. They are pretty hot... at least everyone at the shop thinks so...unless, of course, they were lying... And in that case, I bet they'll snicker when I walk in there wearing them...oh, they would never!

2. brunch with TC tomorrow, post ride, at the foodwhole: I find talking with her refreshing and encouraging. We haven't known each other long but we've fallen into a fast friendship....seriously, if i had a sister, I'd hope it was someone like her. 
3. buying a new little digital camera for my trip
4. my trip! to spain! and morocco!
5. my new riding buddy, KH. Lady, you've been putting the time in so GOOD LUCK this weekend at Eagleman! Rock it!
6. the sugar ant traps I purchased this morning.
[Lord, I hope they work. I woke up this morning, walked to the kitchen, and saw hundreds, literally, of ants crawling all over my trashbag. I followed the trail around my kitchen, down the hall, and to the steps leading up to my bedroom. GROSS. So there I was standing in the kitchen, fresh out of bed in my underware, killing ants. I realized it was a futile effort because more kept coming, plus those little suckers started biting me. SO GROSS. I didn't know what to do. I pulled out the lysol spray [EVIL, I KNOW... especially since I have a cat] and started spraying ALL OVER the baseboards and steps, and just about anywhere else I saw them. I wanted to drown those little suckers...pinche hormigas... so I've got a crazy as sin neighbor who thinks her other neighbors are the gestapo and now I have a sugar ant infestation AND I DONT EVEN HAVE ANY SUGAR IN MY HOUSE. UGH. I've been thinking maybe its time to move?]

I like having things to be excited about. It helps me to not sweat the small stuff and to keep the big picture in mind, at all times....and you know, I love taking pictures... especially big ones.

rock chalk

[from my dad's phone]

I know I have blogged about my mother's obsession with the Kansas Jayhawk basketball team... as if our seats at this years final four weren't proof enough, now we have today's trip to the WHITE HOUSE to meet the president.  Today, George Bush honored the Jayhawks. For those of you who were living under a rock in April, the Jayhawks are this years NCAA champions.  My family was invited to the celebration.  Politics aside, I am thrilled for my mom. She has been really down and out lately with a move to their new place last week [she didn't want to move, my dad did and he never says he 'wants' anything, so it was a BIG deal] and she really needed the excitement of this trip.  Of course, I have no doubt she cried. That makes the score: Jayhawks 3; weddings and grandbabies, 0. 

attn: admissions

its off, like off as in "its in the mail"

I was 'accepted' informally on April 6th, during a face-to-face meeting with my soon to be advisor... So the paperwork is just so things are 'official'.  Of course I am paranoid that I'll still get a 'rejection' letter, which, I'm pretty sure, would make me feel lower than the lowest low imaginable...but I'm trying to remain positive. I have crossed my "t's" and dotted my "i's" and am ready to be a student. Again.
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Spaceship Earth: The problem for the passengers is that there is no manual to identify all the parts, and no instructions on how to operate the spaceship. Richard Buckminster Fuller

I wanted to be an astronaut. The idea of going to space and looking down, seeing the ENTIRE WORLD-all of the systems at work, creating a unified, cohesive, operating whole- in the blink of an eye, captivated me. As a child, I liked assembling and constructing things. I wanted to know how and why things went together. I loved building model airplanes and battleships with my father and two younger brothers. I enjoyed taking each individual piece out of the package and assembling the model, piece-by-piece following the diagram directions. When you began, there was a pile of little plastic parts; However, little-by-little the airplane or battleship, took form, looking more like the image on the front of the package. Assembling the pieces composed the model; Enjoyment was found in combing parts to make a whole.

With my mother, I relished time spent baking oatmeal cookies in our kitchen. I excitedly pulled ingredients out of the pantry and refrigerator before impeccably measuring out the quantities of each, pouring them into the bowl of my great grandmother’s mix master. As discrete ingredients-flour, baking soda, sugar, eggs, butter, vanilla, oatmeal, cinnamon, and raisins- none were very appealing. But, when all of the ingredients were combined and 20 minutes of heat was added?! The resulting cookie was pure and utter deliciousness. Assembling ingredients composed the cookie; Enjoyment was found in combining parts to make a whole.

So whether it was building or baking, working with parts and pieces and learning about systems fascinated me. When the time to declare a major in college came along, I choose sociology. Studying people and social systems- how people interacted with others- was the perfect fit. I learned a lot about communication, psychology, and how social interactions amongst different groups shape society. When I finished school, I felt something had been left out of my education. Now that I understood the ‘flexible’ parts of the world, what about the ‘concrete’ parts? What about buildings? I wanted to know how the built environment affected human interactions; I wanted to study architecture.

A master’s degree in architecture was the next logical step. On a micro scale, architecture is 2x4’s, steel, and concrete, but on a macro scale, architecture is the framework in which we operate. The built environment affects how people feel which, in turn, affects how we interact with others. Thus, my decision to pursue architecture was absolutely a continuation of my sociology studies.

All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances; And one man in his time plays many parts, His acts being seven ages. William Shakespeare

Each new educational endeavor I’ve undertaken has built upon the pieces that came before; It is no surprise that while at UT, I felt there were more holes to be filled. I ‘got’ the systems of people; I was now ‘getting’ the systems of buildings; but I wanted to ‘get’ the human body itself. During 4.5 years of graduate study at UT, I devoured nutrition tomes. I wanted to learn how food affects us, on both a physiological and psychological level; I wanted to study nutrition.

As an athlete, I know it is important to fuel one’s body for performance but I also know that food is more than fuel for performance. Food is medicine and, when used appropriately, food can heal. The opposite is also true: Having been diagnosed with food allergies as an adult, I have experienced how food can harm. It is my personal experience with food in these capacities and my inherent curiosity and appreciation for ‘systems’ that led me to the decision to pursue a MS in Human Nutrition from Texas State.

Wisdom is your perspective on life, your sense of balance, your understanding of how the various parts and principles apply and relate to each other. It embraces judgment, discernment, comprehension. It is a gestalt or oneness, and integrated wholeness. Stephen R. Covey

With the knowledge that I will gain at Texas State, I hope to work with people in a counseling capacity. I do not know what specialty but have given consideration to working with people who are dealing with chronic conditions like arthritis, discrete illnesses like cancer, and mental illnesses with physical symptoms like anorexia, making sure their nutrition needs are met so that they are able to give their bodies and minds the best chance at health and recovery. It should be noted, I am considering combining the MS Human Nutrition degree with a MA in Health Psychology to have an even broader knowledge base of the physiological and psychological affects that nutrition plays in health and recovery. No matter which path I take, if my past is any indication, I am certain that the goal towards a greater understanding of the ‘wholeness’ of life will be attained and will be shared with fervor… with compassion...and with an understanding of what came before.

so sue me...

I used to be a Diet Soda Slut. Now, I am the "food coloring, food additive, 'natural flavoring' and packaged food phobe" your parents warned you about. I never drink diet sodas. In fact, I find myself shaking my head when I see people drinking them: Yep, I find myself judging people, the same people who, like me, only buy organic produce, for drinking diet soda... It is sick, me judging, because I have to admit, I am not 100% chemical free: On occasion, on SPECIAL OCCASION, diet sodas are consumed on solo road trips* between Dallas and Austin: Those are the only times I 'allow' myself to have them. To be honest, when I drink one, the taste of all of the chemicals is stunning in a "bad, bad, bad, I know I am killing myself" kind of way and that feeling is reason alone to avoid them. HOWEVER, today was the 4th day this week that I craved a Diet Coke by the halfway point of a workout...I know! WTF?!

The first two times, Tuesday and Thursday, I wrote it off, thinking 'Holy Mary, mother of Christ, I must REALLY be thirsty if I am craving a Diet Coke'.

Yesterday, the craving reached a new height. I found myself VERY jealous when I passed a lady with a Wendy's cup on the trail. Now, I didn't know that it was a Diet Coke, I can only assume... And assuming it was diet coke, I was immediately overcome with a wistful longing so disturbing and unfamiliar to me it freaked me out.

So TODAY, when Mr.G and I stopped to "ice up" [his terminology, not mine...], I found myself marching resolvedly to the cooler in the back of the Stop&Shop, picking up a Diet Coke, and popping the top...and with no second thought.

As we walked out, I said to G: 'I cant remember the last time I drank a diet soda..."

I dont drink that shit," snapped G.

For a split second, and I really mean it, it was only a split second, I felt like an idiot because I KNOW DIET SODAS ARE EVIL nutritionally void, chemically laden, toxic, pathetic excuses for a beverage. 

I continued to pour it into my water bottle...and you know what?

Every chemically swallow was like drinking the sweet sweet nectar of the gods...

Now, that? That's some SCARY s***...

*I've never really taken a 'true road trip': This is something 'bama is hell bent on changing when we are in Spain next month...And I am really excited, even thought it means we will be paying through the nose for fuel. And we think it's disgusting to pay 4$ a gallon while Europeans are paying at least double per LITRE?!?....Yowsers!

40+

I know I mentioned I would not blog about training, or rather the SPECIFICS of training, because I think it is SO LAME when people do...but... sometimes I just can't help myself. This week has been a milestone week. 

I hit and superseded 40 miles. I know compared to a healthy handful of folks, 40+ is hardly reason to blink...but for a girl who 6 months ago had a broken pelvis, this is a BIG deal. 

I have had NO body issues what-so-ever [except for a small blister on the ball of my foot thanks to 'brand new and still debatable if i like them' orthotics] and am recovering from overload workouts very quickly. It was awesome to see sub 7's on some laps and to be comfortable there. 

This has also been a milestone week because, thanks to KH, I hit double digits in ride time on my bike for the first time since February.  They have been GREAT rides because I've had GREAT company. I feel so fortunate to live in Austin and to have gotten to know such incredible people: Being able to get to know them as I train with them has been a blessing and I'm really looking forward to building these friendships. 

They are special days when everyone's training AND social schedules sync up; And this week has been full of special days!! 

This afternoon, TC and I are going to see 'sex and the city'. I am so excited for this movie!  I watched all of the seasons and I am hoping they continue the story lines they set up in the season finale...! I have high expectations and hope I am not disappointed.  The fact of the matter is that, regardless of resolved or unresolved story lines, it will be damn near impossible to disappoint two girls who are able to spend a friday afternoon watching a movie while eating yummy organic gummy candies...because really, who can find reason to complain about that?!

customer service changes

The self serve coffee at the foodwhole has returned!!!!!!

I would have taken a picture for proof but I did not have my phone with me today... 

Oh how I hope this is not a one day tease like the ONE day they brought back the superior flap top salad bar boxes was.

...with caution...

Blogging has been such a positive experience for me: It's a funny thought though: you create this virtual world through a blog; posting your thoughts, sometimes deep, for anyone [including many whom you don't know] to read. Blogging has been positive because I've gotten to know people on a different level and on my terms. I put out there what I want [or what I feel compelled] to share. I share things on my blog that don't always have an opportunity to come up in a 'normal' or 'in-passing' conversation...Because of this, you get to know people, or rather, people get to 'know' you on a different, and arguably more intimate level;  This has led to new friendships with people who started out as mere 'Oh! I read their blog' acquaintances.  And just yesterday I received a face book message from a high school friend's mother [and an INCREDIBLE photographer] after she read my post about Anorexia: It was one of the kindest, most touching, inspiring, feel good messages I think I have ever received. It left me feeling SO HONORED...and just GOOD. For these and many other reasons, like I said, blogging has been a positive experience...but last weekend* [without getting into the nitty-gritty of the situation], blogging kinda bit me in the ass. 

*ironic timing because just last week 'bama [who doesn't read my blog but who knows I blog] told me to proceed with caution after reading this article in the nytimes.