no such thing as a plateau

The past three weeks (never mind the last half year) have been full of ups and downs.

Lets just focus on one of each as they are the tipping points that affect my future, shall we?

First, the down (because I like to end on a high note):

August began with a ROYAL meltdown that resulted in me leaving this town for two weeks to go home to "get my shit together" as I like to remember. It worked and I came back refreshed and renewed and with both feet "in". My other half at the time, however, had one foot in but the other planted firmly in his office.

To make a long story short, after 6 months of not talking about where this was heading, I rocked the boat as I realized he's over it but sensed he wasn't sure how to go about getting out of it. SO I am doing my best to move on. I have no other option but to focus on the possibilities of the future. In doing that, I dont think about what I have lost from my past.

Funny how that works. I was the one to rock the boat, prompting a break up, and yet I am the one that feels rejected. I haven't ever gone through this before, a break-up. Well, let me clarify: I have dated a number of people, but never for very long, and never with someone so entrenched in my social circle, never with someone whom I loved truly, never with someone whom I saw myself marrying, and never with someone with whom we shared kitchen appliances [the fabulous hotel waffle maker] and a fire-engine red le creuset baking dish.

My cat is still nearly as despondent as I was last week (I am doing much better this week: time does heal...or at least, right now I am having a good morning). It is so sad and makes me cry, almost every day. He sits at the door and waits for him to come home at night. Then, we he realizes that I am going to bed, he sits at the top of the stairs. Waiting. And waiting. For his pal that never comes over any more.

One day, I hope to look back on and be thankful that it ended, that he saved me to be some other man's wife and not his own, despite what he says about wanting to be married.

He didn't want it with me.

He did at one point, but somewhere along the way changed his mind, couldn't pull the trigger, can't figure out why and doesn't want to go to therapy to figure it out.

I know that I will, at the least, come out of this a better woman as I am seeking council.

I refuse to carry baggage into my next relationship.

I am doing this for me. And my future husband. Whoever he is.

And now the up! (well, there might be two or three or four)

I got accepted into the dietetic internship! This means that my life will be absolutely nuts come august but that once I finish, I will be on my way to be a legit RD. Still working through what direction I will go but I do know that I would love to work for WHOLEFOODS. They currently have one dietitian that I have met, and I am really hoping to get my other foot in the door, somehow. Let's pray for that, shall we?

I may be going to KENYA this summer for two weeks with ComfortTheChildren. Still waiting to hear back from Zane and still trying to work out my summer school schedule.

The Jayhawks are still ranked numero uno and I am headed back to KC for the big12 tournament in two weeks...after a trip to...

NEW ORLEANS! To visit a girlfriend who is going through a divorce. Now that should put my situation of the difficulty of separating my TWO fun and pretty kitchen tools into perspective, no?