always trust your gut

its been awhile since i posted anything substantial and im not going to make excuses.

this is where i stand.
ill start at the beginning, as best i can.

two years ago, after my dr was puzzled as to why i kept getting sick and i wasnt absorbing calcium and iron [amongst other thigns], i was diagnosed with a gluten, dairy [milk protein, caesin], and soy allergy. it was not determined at the time whether or not i had celiac sprue and to be honest, all i really cared about was being healthy. i took all measures to ensure that my diet was clean. i did "cheat" every now and then. the time that really stands out was my 27th birthday when friends who didnt know about the gluten allergy brought me treats from quacks. that night i proceeded to eat the oatmeal cookie, the sugar cookie, AND the fruit tart. i felt like crap for 3 days afterwards. but, other than that situation, the most gluten or dairy or soy that i have had has come in the form of a bite of cake or frosting once in a blue moon. anyhow, because i had spent my entire life eating things that i was ultimately allergic to, my intestines were pretty pissed off. i began supplements and probiotics to build back my immune system. last fall, i was well on my way to having a normal gut.

the day of my grandfathers funeral [christmas eve], i got sick. it started off with nausea...then it progressed to me feeling like i was dying... for the next 3 days, i struggled. upon returning to austin, i took a trip to the ER. they did a ct scan [i thought i had appendicitis] and noticed that i had major inflammation in my intestines, a result of what they could not determine. they advised i meet with a gi specialist [which i never did]. 4 days later, i got a head and chest cold that lingered for almost the entire month of january. i spent most of january feeling weak. february was the same. march rolled around and i found myself sick again. i traveled up to the mayo clinic for an endoscopy to determine if i had celiac sprue [which by the way was inconclusive because ive been on a gf diet, so of course the biopsy they took would be negative] that i had irritable bowl syndrome and thats probably why i had been feeling so bad. i didnt believe it; i was already taking all of the dietary precautions that they advise for people with both celiac AND IBS...so knew there was something else going on. i was tired all the time and my running times were really struggling. my stomach/gut didnt feel right most days and i started noticing that i couldnt taste certain foods. by the beginning of this month, i was very anxious that there was something wrong with me: i wasnt running well [or much] at all; i had little to no energy; i wasnt sleeping more than an hour at a time; i was having horrible nightmares; my appetite was so bizarre and i still couldnt taste food very well; everything around me seemed 'dull'; every day was a struggle. i would struggle to get out of bed in the morning and would be thinking about a nap. i forced myself to maintain 'normalcy' as best as i could. i kept running. i kept going to class. i kept up social engagements best i could, but inside, i knew something wasnt right, and it had started to stress me out. big time.

i was at my wits end. i was despondent; i couldnt live like this. i was really starting to get down on myself and i was jealous of everyones energy around me.  

last week, i traveled to kc for the lawrence half marathon [my running of it, by the way, was a dumb dumb idea] and that appointment with dr d. she had ordered a number of tests and she gave me the results on friday.

the dx? a parasite. and salmonella that was still festering in my intestines. lovely. both of these things completely wiped out the good bacteria in my gut and thusly my immune system. additionally, because my gut was so screwed up from fighting both of these things for, as best we can determine, the 4 months since my trip to the ER, i have not been absorbing zinc [a major immune system mineral] and other substances from food [including fat]. she made sure to tell me that had my diet NOT been as good as it is and had i not been as conscientious about my health, that these things would have really destroyed me further than they did. i know i had told some people how tired i was all of the time and how poorly i had been feeling, but i dont think people realized just how BAD i felt. my father kept telling me [especially after the trip to mayo], that if something was wrong with me, i wouldnt be able to keep running...and dr d said that most people wouldnt have been able to.

so that folks is why ive been feeling so shitty for 4 months... its not that i dont take care of myself... its not that i dont eat well...its not in my head...

its in my gut.

and i felt it all along.