the very rough and very all over the place and very grammatically incorrect report follows:
well, with the information i received on friday, my goals for this race had shifted. to be honest, with how id felt [the past few weeks especially] my goals for this race had shifted a while back.
a parasite, salmonella infection that i never kicked, and a pretty sufficient zinc deficiency has my body fighting nonstop all day, without throwing a half marathon in 90% humidity and stiff sustained 20mph winds.
dw and i had talked about shifting the focus to being competitive, taking the first half easier and then on the second half picking people off... it didnt quite work out that way, well, it didnt work out that way at all.
i was alone or by one or two other runners for the majority of the second half of the race [because, as i would later find out, i ended up in the top 25 OVERALL...and was the second place woman. seriously, the elites mustve been racing st louis or boston this past weekend :)]
regardless of where the results had me, i wasnt thrilled with my time, but i do realize that i had a number of things working against me and thus, am able to take solace in the fact that, despite my obstacles, i put my ego on the line when i was not feeling confident or healthy at all... and thats something that i need to do more often.
i didnt sleep very well the night before, due more to the fact that there were drunk hotel guests making a racket in the hall until 2 am than race anxiety..although there was some of that: i was afraid i would feel so bad and get so discouraged that i would quit.
my overall time wasnt HORRIBLE, but it was slower than the first two:which honestly i expected: ----time has been omitted, because as my readers know, i dont post things like that on my blog. the course was about .4 of a mile short, by my calculation but i could be wrong. i had to stop and walk [oh yeah, i walked...] a few times from about the half way point onwards... it was quite a bit hillier than i expected and that, combined with the wind kept sucking the life out of me. every time i would turn a corner, id think id be done with the hills [except for the end, which i thought was about 1 mile uphill and it turned out to be about 3 miles of up and up and up, with the wind at my face and to my right]...and the wind. geezus.
had i thought the race through when i woke up [checked to see what direction the wind was coming from and figured out on what parts of the course it would be in my face, at my back, etc etc], perhaps i couldve paced myself better: however, i was in total denial mode in the days leading up to the race and especially on race morning. i was afraid if i studied the wind + the course direction too much that i would psyche myself out... this ended up being a bad decision on my part.
the next race, should there be a significant wind factor, i will definitely take it into account.
i was not able to run negative splits at all, but it was a day that i will never forget: it was a slug fest, but one that was very rewarding in the end. at the start line, i did size up the folks around me... there was a crew of pretty serious people up front [including a lady that ran in those little running briefs that look like a bikini bottom, holy hell. her confidence amazed me]. the gun went off and i did start off feeling pretty good, which was surprising.
there was one point, before what i thought was the one "major" hill on memorial drive between miles 1.5 and 3, when i thought "maybe im pushing too much too early?"
i wonder if i had held back a bit if i would have been able to avoid the unraveling that occurred after mile 6 and lasted through mile 13...at mile 4 i wondered if my mothers comment at 645 this morning asking me if i was going to take my cell phone with me while i ran 'in case you dont feel good and want me to come pick you up' was a premonition of the struggle to come...6-13 were a struggle on and off, into and out of the wind, with some longer gradual hills and false flats: i found myself stopping at points to massage my very crampy and pissed off abdomen and get some water. i couldnt believe i was doing that, this stopping and walking bit. but, it allowed me to finish, and i think ultimately helped my head because i learned on this day to forGIVE MYSELF. i gave myself the little rests i needed: when i would stop, i would use that opportunity to clear my head. i didnt think about how it would influence my final time, or my average pace... at all.
as you will see, the splits reflect the struggle:---again omitted: but they ranged from 6-8 min/mile
i cannot erase what happened and i am thankful i have been able to look at this day as a learning experience rather than a failure. that, in itself, is progress. it was the hardest thing ive ever done. hands down....and the sense of accomplishment i felt at the finish was unlike anything else i've experienced.
that, in itself, is the reward.
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